Posts tagged wait
Good Books About Things That Matter
Should KStew have waited to apologize?
A snap apology can be less effective or even disingenuous; it might even suggest panic or fear. …
There are two good reasons to wait. One is that a snap apology can prevent the offended party from expressing how he or she feels, especially after a serious personal transgression. A quick apology might not give the victim enough time to go through the natural emotional response, to understand what the wrongdoer might have been thinking, and to express his or her feelings. If a stranger bumps into you, it takes just a split-second to understand it was an accident. But if your partner admits to cheating, you will want to think and vent—for a while. Time gives victims a chance to use their conscious system, and most crucially their voice.
A second reason to delay an apology is that letting some time pass allows for more information to bubble up around the wrongful act. The victim can learn more about who, what, why, where, and when. Was the affair a one-night stand or a longer-term relationship? When did it start? Why did it happen? The additional information helps put the apology in context and shows not just that the apologizer was wrong, but why. Thus, a later apology can be more credible and informed and therefore more satisfying. Time gives victims a chance to understand.
Apologies for infidelity are important. According to the General Social Survey, about 10 percent of spouses admit to cheating every year. The numbers are higher for unmarried couples. A large percentage of people reading this book will be caught cheating and will need to apologize. Obviously, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t cheat. But if you do, and you’re caught doing it, you need to apologize as effectively as possible.
—Frank Partnoy on the art of the apology, in Wait: The Art and Science of Delay
Frank Partnoy on the science of delay and the useful art of procrastination.
If you are like most people, you feel there aren’t enough hours in the day. You perceive you are working longer and harder than in the past. You believe time is scarcer than ever before. But there is one problem with these perceptions: they are wrong.
The best things come to those who WAIT.
In 2008, when the financial crisis hit, I wanted to get to the heart of why our leading bankers, regulators, and others were so shortsighted and wreaked such havoc on our economy: why were their decisions so wrong, their expectations of the future so catastrophically off the mark? I also wanted to figure out, for selfish reasons, whether my own tendency to procrastinate (the only light fixture in my bedroom closet has been broken for five years) was really such a bad thing….
The essence of my case is this: given the fast pace of modern life, most of us tend to react too quickly.
From Wait: The Art and Science of Delay by Frank Partnoy. Read the complete introduction now.
Dang that’s a good book review.
“Partnoy’s results are groundbreaking and a potential corrective to modern pressures for rapid response, whether on the playing field, in high-speed computer trading and corporate boardrooms, or on the battlefield… A fascinating addition to the study of decision-making. File alongside Malcolm Gladwell, Dan Ariely, Jonah Lehrer and other similar writers.”— Kirkus Reviews
